April 01, 2005
The League of Grieving Parents
Robert & Mary Schindler are creating of The League of Grieving Parents.
Founded in the aftermath of the death of Terri Shiavo, The League of Grieving Parents is a support group and legal defense fund. It's co-founders, Fred Goldman, Marc Klass and Robert Levy are seeking nominees. I've been able to obtain the guidlines that we at Cobb have obtained this morning from an anonymous emailer. (It's great to be a popular blogger.)
1. LGP nominees must be able to summon a nationally televised press conference wherein they cry openly. Crying at a televised funeral or trial is not sufficient. No entries will be accepted in which nominees are caught grieving in a crowd. They must be front and center in full frame of the camera.
2. LGP children may not be the victim of Acts of God or phenomena for which attorneys may not generally be involved. In general, children must be the victim of stalkers, kidnappers, rapists, celebrities, carjackers, foreign nationals, family members or gangbangers. Victims of tsunamis, hunger, AIDS or any disease generally associated with the third world are not considered. Special consideration is given however, for cancer and degenerative diseases which allow the child to be interviewed and profiled during their illness.
3. Media coverage must last longer than one week and include radio, and print. Victims in small towns and municipalities must make appropriate efforts to summon the support of townspeople and put that town on the map by gettin the attention of major media. PBS documentaries don't count. Instant qualification is given for an interview with Larry King or Barbara Walters. Jon Stewart doesn't count.
4. Bonus consideration will be given to nominees who can get resolutions passed in legislative bodies. These need not be effective or useful policy, but they must state the name of the child in question. A bill that gets a US Senate or Congressional designation is sufficient even if it is not passed.
5. Parents suspected in the demise of their child may recieve membership under the following circumstances.
A. Police are involved in an 'ongoing investigation' that does not outlast media attention.
B. Parents show evidence of shock and anger at such allegations.
C. Parents are attractive, affluent or white. (Bonus points for all three)
D. The child is recognizable by first name in the tabloid press.
The League of Grieving Parents will be setting up an internet portal and an 800 number. The Hallmark corporation will be setting up LGP sections in their nationwide chain where LGP bumper stickers, votive candles (in the wind), yellow ribbons, armbands, commemorative pins and wreaths will be available for sale.
Posted by mbowen at April 1, 2005 06:56 AM
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Tracked on April 1, 2005 07:49 AM
This is unfair. The parents' grief is real and they are justified in using all legal to save their daughter's life.
Posted by: Anita at April 1, 2005 09:38 AM
Anita - Nothing wrong with a little satire
Posted by: kristen at April 1, 2005 10:11 PM